THOMAS JOHNSON WAS MY BROTHER

This is a film about my longing for my brother Thomas, who died before we got to know each other. We only met once, when I was 17 years old and he was 31. It was a warm summer day. I was so happy to meet him, to realise that he existed. My brother! I can hardly remember talking about him in our family. We have the same father but he didn't keep in touch with Thomas who lived with his mother.

When I started working with this film I hardly knew anything about Thomas. Not even when he was born. The only thing I knew was that he could sing lengthy songs by Evert Taube, when he was just a little kid. And that he died from an overdose of Heroin.

In 1999 I was working on "Laura and Dr Zjivago", a documentary about seeking a relation with my father. Through talking with him about fatherhood, I learned a little more about Thomas and I started wondering about who he was. He was just about my age when he died. Only three years older. Why am I still here, and why is he not? I realise that these questions can't be answered. Although asking them is important and I hope that this film can help to raise some of these issues.

Thomas, when I speak with those who were close to you, you become visible. I can almost see you in their eyes, in their stories. Sometimes I feel you so close; I can almost touch you. I want to meet you Thomas, but you are dead. It's so difficult to understand. I can hardly understand that you have existed at all.